You Are Not Alone

Hey, guys!!!

I came across some image yesterday and shared them with one of my best friends. Knowing that this made her felt better and that she’s aware, that I’m always there for her no matter what…made me really happy. I really suck at expressing myself verbally or physically, so pictures or poems are indeed a good way to get feelings across. I’m really happy my feelings were understood through these.

And so, I have decided to share “these” with you guys.

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I know a lot of you guys are suffering from depression. You feel like there’s no-one to turn to or there’s no-one who’ll listen to you. You think your problems are unimportant and you’re alone. Well, you’re not. I’m here if anyone needs someone to talk to. I love giving advice and listening to people. Don’t ever think you are alone.

I hope this made someone’s day. Have a wonderful day, guys. 🙂

P.S: Credit to the owner of these images, whoever you are. 👍

In The Hands Of Society

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He lost himself
in the hands of society
He bared his teeth
growl and scratched at nothing
He felt high
He was on cloud nine
But within a blink of an eye
he was torn to threads
By society which had given birth
Birth to greed, insecurities
power, lust
and all things humans crave for

He lost himself and
Just like that he was forgotten
yet why-
Why do humans crave so much
for materialistic things?
It isn’t that which define who we are
But we
We are the ones who define who we are
It’s too late
Because half of this world has already lost itself

…in the hands of society

~J.R

Atelophobia

Jovial's World

Emotions scattered like broken glass
As realization hits
No matter how much you tried
it was never enough
Living in the shadows of siblings
More talented, more liked
or even better looking despite
obnoxious characters
Again you listen to praises that was not
bestowed upon you
Again you cringed at screaming voices
Blaming you for things you haven’t done
and have done
For speaking your mind
For existing
The pressure of doing better
of being noticed for once
Time wasted and like always
it was never enough
You were never enough
And you now accepted the fact that you will never be enough
You shut out the world
Drew pretty pictures against membrane
Spilled ink on untouched papers
You smiled at the life you had
You smiled at your smudged reflection
A figure like you stared back
Eyes that showed
how broken you were
Alone, defeated,
Useless, worthless
How many times you chanted
in your mind
“I just want to be good enough to someone”
How many times were you left alone and reminded you weren’t
One…two or maybe a thousand times
with a smile that held no story behind it
You studied yourself
You still couldn’t hide it
Tears would threaten to spill
any time soon
and you’ll panic and scratch at your skin
losing your mind
You were doing so well
but somewhere it went wrong
Nothing could stop you from feeling
and knowing that
You were and will never be
good enough 

~ J.R

Life

Sometimes
it stops at our throat
And we find it hard to breathe
We thrash about
And scratch at our chest
Lungs burning
With the desire to be filled-
With life
A reason to keep living
Day by day
we mortals struggle
To make something worth the time we have left here
We bicker
Slaughter
Laugh
Cry
Smile
at the different things life throws at us
We wear masks with permanent
smiles or frowns
Our pride is too great
it takes control
No “I’m sorry”s or “Excuse me”s
when necessary
Life’s ego
and life’s sacred self
Giving us two choices:
To live or to die
Blinded by all things bad that feel so right
selfishness
greed
envy
and the list goes on
We choose dying without realizing
Staining the once pure mind
of all things good
Slowly with aging
life will take its toll
giving each of us
what we truly deserve
It’s too late now
to rewrite new stories on worn out pages
that fades away along with us
Happy thoughts
Sad thoughts
it doesn’t matter to life
Because we mortals are life in its self
Make it what we will
and live it cautiously

~ J.R

Rain Sound

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The dead of night
Wide awake she lay
With the heavy sounds of rain
and an aching heart
Tears hugging the flesh of her cheeks
Memories replaying like scratch CDs

Warm hands that held her
now holds another
Soft lips fitting so perfectly with hers
now fits another
Melodic laughter which never fails to make her smile
now only plays for another

The dead of night
The rain sound echoes
against roof and windowpanes
The smell of coffee and it’s warmth
fills both mind and body
Empty cuddles and cold sheets

They met in the rain
And end in the rain
Now the rain sound isn’t what it use to be
A soft lullaby that comforts her
but a tragic love story gone wrong
A music note-
that lost its sound

She hugs the only thing she could find
A pillow…his substitute
Swollen face
Half empty mug
The darkness and lightening
which kissed with every chance they got
Illuminated her pale features

With moist yet hopeful eyes
She watch the rain pour
One day for sure
These rain sounds will be what they use to be
The raining sounds of love
    

~ J.R

The Distance

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The empty spaces here on our beds
The spaces between our fingers
And blank spaces in our pictures
is where we both belong

With wavering hearts
Shy smiles, sweaty palms
and slurred words
We exchange our “I like you”s

Our many calls
that’s filled with laughter and sadness
Nervous faces on screen
with soft gazes and darken cheeks
We share our deepest thoughts

With 17,997 km between us
Lack of money
and expensive plane flights
We made heart felt promises to keep strong

For the first time in our lives
We both experience something-
Something that we both never believed in
Excited yet scared we grabbed hold of it with both hands

For the day will come
when we no longer need to create memories from a far
When we’ll be in each others arms
Days will be much brighter
With new memories to make

Until then
It’s us against
The Distance….

~ J.R

Having a Writer’s Block

Since lately, I’ve been having a little trouble posting things and then it hit me that I was having a writer’s block and I was like, “OMG NUUU WAY!!” (ha-ha). Anyways, I know it’s normal for people to have writer’s block but being someone who constantly have ideas or you know….I’m a little sad about it. Most times, it’s not about having lack of new ideas to post but it’s having ideas on what to post but not being able to put it all down in words. This is like my biggest problem. I have so many drafts like it’s not even funny. They are either half done or just done but lack something and sounds off or I’m just not satisfied with what I wrote. I don’t know, I mean this blog is where I can talk about the things I like or dislike maybe, or maybe talk about how my day went or my plans for tomorrow, the future and so on. Yet I find it a little hard to do that or maybe I’m just lazy (ha-ha)….nah I’m not.
                                                                    
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So like I’ve sat down and I’ve thought about what I wanted to do and what I don’t want to do…and I came up with a schedule and I thought “Hey! I should have done this from the beginning *sings One Ok Rock’s The Beginning*” because if I did, I wouldn’t really be having this much problem. Again, it’s normal for people to go through this. I don’t normally do the whole schedule thing like everyone since I never needed to but I guess it’s okay to try it and see how it works for me. But the last time I remember following a schedule was for school and that was just…..school.

So I’ll ensure to do at least two or three post a week. I’m still fixing up a bit so I’m not really sure how much I want to do as yet but I think three sounds good….yeahhhhhhh. 😀

That’s all~ 🙂

20 Years Old And Still Playing With Dolls

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Dolls have always been my kind of thing and I don’t mean that in a pervy disgusting kind of way. Growing up I didn’t really like the company of others (still kinda don’t) and for me, dolls were like little diaries that I could write in. But the difference was instead of writing I just talked- a lot. I always felt safe when I rant the deepest part of myself to my dolls. They, to me, were the most loyal friends anyone could ask for. They never revealed my secret to anyone, never got mad at me, always listen to me and most importantly, they were always there.

Reading this you might be thinking “The heck is wrong with this person?!!” or “This person needs some serious counselling” or whatever. But let’s be honest, haven’t you ever felt like that whether it was towards a doll, stuff animals (these are the cutest things ever), maybe action figures etc? I know I can’t be the only one.

I no longer own a doll though and that’s because of my mom she murdered them. The last doll I had, she burnt it saying “You’re too old for these things” (ha-ha). I remembered how angry I was at her for taking away my best friend. I buried the remains of my doll under our tree and held a funeral for her (sounds crazy I know). After that I secretly bought smaller dolls that could fit inside my bag without it being too obvious that I had any. Whether I was home or in public, I never hide the fact that I was really into dolls. I can recall countless times when my mom shot me the LOOK (ha-ha).

I saw these on Rakuten Global Market the other day. And I thought these were really cute. It’s almost as if dolls are humans too.

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I know some people treat dolls as just object- some type of thing that they can use to control the behaviour of kids or whatever they use it as. I on the other, tend to treat my dolls (and stuff animals) like real humans. I’ll bathe them, comb their hair, lotion their skin, spray them, feed them and other things you can think of that we humans do. My mom was completely annoyed watching as her lotion, spray and even hair oils got wasted on a doll. She use to threaten me that she’ll take them way if I don’t get chores done or if I keep using her stuff on them. Those were the days 😀

Other than dolls, I do like stuff animals a lot. When anyone ask me what I want for my birthday, it always include “I want a doll or stuff animal”. I still have this one teddy bear I received as a birthday gift from a friend back in high school. Also, there are four teddy bears that my mom always puts on her bed for decoration. I talk to these a lot (ha-ha).

Now I’m 20 years of age and I’m still playing with dolls. I might not own any at the moment but that doesn’t stop me. I do plan on buying myself one soon, with or without my mom’s approval. I’ve already been checking out a few sites and I’m super excited!! Anyways, I don’t think anyone is too old for dolls, stuff animals, action figures, cartoons or whatever. Keep doing the things you love despite the judging eyes and hurtful remarks of people around, because by the end of the day it’s what makes you happy that matters the most.

Do you like dolls too or other things that people think are “too old for you”? I’d love to hear so do comment. 🙂