You Are Not Alone

Hey, guys!!!

I came across some image yesterday and shared them with one of my best friends. Knowing that this made her felt better and that she’s aware, that I’m always there for her no matter what…made me really happy. I really suck at expressing myself verbally or physically, so pictures or poems are indeed a good way to get feelings across. I’m really happy my feelings were understood through these.

And so, I have decided to share “these” with you guys.

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I know a lot of you guys are suffering from depression. You feel like there’s no-one to turn to or there’s no-one who’ll listen to you. You think your problems are unimportant and you’re alone. Well, you’re not. I’m here if anyone needs someone to talk to. I love giving advice and listening to people. Don’t ever think you are alone.

I hope this made someone’s day. Have a wonderful day, guys. 🙂

P.S: Credit to the owner of these images, whoever you are. 👍

A Prayer To You

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Photo by me

They say have faith
believe in you
and everything will be okay
I did just that
But you mocked me
Seeing my smiling face
you wiped it away immediately
My teary eyes
making the heavens rejoice
My wrongs and rights
you know them all
before even a single one could be complete
I pray to you and tell myself
Everything happens for a reason

Where are you?
No where to be seen
Years and years of struggling
and a blind eye
You love us all, that’s what you said
But in truth
There is just a few
Still trapped in the dark
You refuse to shine your light
upon me
So this is my reason to live?
Will I be driven into my own dark desires?
Shall I take life into thy own hands?

Why do you still refuse to answer me?
A broken, lost and battered soul
Am I still not worthy of you?
Just like Lucifer
Tempted to be THE ONE
not the one to lead an army of unjust
But to be THE ONE of many
Whom you have bestowed your love upon

A prayer to you
just like the others
Will this too go unanswered?

~ J.R

Atelophobia

Jovial's World

Emotions scattered like broken glass
As realization hits
No matter how much you tried
it was never enough
Living in the shadows of siblings
More talented, more liked
or even better looking despite
obnoxious characters
Again you listen to praises that was not
bestowed upon you
Again you cringed at screaming voices
Blaming you for things you haven’t done
and have done
For speaking your mind
For existing
The pressure of doing better
of being noticed for once
Time wasted and like always
it was never enough
You were never enough
And you now accepted the fact that you will never be enough
You shut out the world
Drew pretty pictures against membrane
Spilled ink on untouched papers
You smiled at the life you had
You smiled at your smudged reflection
A figure like you stared back
Eyes that showed
how broken you were
Alone, defeated,
Useless, worthless
How many times you chanted
in your mind
“I just want to be good enough to someone”
How many times were you left alone and reminded you weren’t
One…two or maybe a thousand times
with a smile that held no story behind it
You studied yourself
You still couldn’t hide it
Tears would threaten to spill
any time soon
and you’ll panic and scratch at your skin
losing your mind
You were doing so well
but somewhere it went wrong
Nothing could stop you from feeling
and knowing that
You were and will never be
good enough 

~ J.R

The Distance

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The empty spaces here on our beds
The spaces between our fingers
And blank spaces in our pictures
is where we both belong

With wavering hearts
Shy smiles, sweaty palms
and slurred words
We exchange our “I like you”s

Our many calls
that’s filled with laughter and sadness
Nervous faces on screen
with soft gazes and darken cheeks
We share our deepest thoughts

With 17,997 km between us
Lack of money
and expensive plane flights
We made heart felt promises to keep strong

For the first time in our lives
We both experience something-
Something that we both never believed in
Excited yet scared we grabbed hold of it with both hands

For the day will come
when we no longer need to create memories from a far
When we’ll be in each others arms
Days will be much brighter
With new memories to make

Until then
It’s us against
The Distance….

~ J.R

It’s Okay

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I was really bored when I wrote this. It’s random and may sound a little stupid but I decided to share it anyways.

It’s okay to feel lost and hopeless
Unloved, unwanted and shattered
in a world that has so much to offer yet so much to take
It’s okay to cry and smile
to be angry, excited or bored
There’s just so many sides to a person that is left unexplored
It’s okay to not be okay
To throw things, to scream
To let your voice be heard 
It’s okay to be lonely
Not everyone enjoy the company of others
It’s okay to be a little weird
Being normal was so last year
It’s okay to be scared of spiders, dogs, cats or even lizards
Everyone has something that scares them
It’s okay to be you
Being someone’s clone only leads to misery
It’s okay to have weird habits like sucking your finger
Screw all the judging eyes, I’m sure they have worse habits
It’s okay to love meat and hate vegetables- even the opposite
It’s okay if you like talking to random things
Some people will judge you
but it’s okay
That’s life
And it’s okay

~ J.R

Having a Writer’s Block

Since lately, I’ve been having a little trouble posting things and then it hit me that I was having a writer’s block and I was like, “OMG NUUU WAY!!” (ha-ha). Anyways, I know it’s normal for people to have writer’s block but being someone who constantly have ideas or you know….I’m a little sad about it. Most times, it’s not about having lack of new ideas to post but it’s having ideas on what to post but not being able to put it all down in words. This is like my biggest problem. I have so many drafts like it’s not even funny. They are either half done or just done but lack something and sounds off or I’m just not satisfied with what I wrote. I don’t know, I mean this blog is where I can talk about the things I like or dislike maybe, or maybe talk about how my day went or my plans for tomorrow, the future and so on. Yet I find it a little hard to do that or maybe I’m just lazy (ha-ha)….nah I’m not.
                                                                    
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So like I’ve sat down and I’ve thought about what I wanted to do and what I don’t want to do…and I came up with a schedule and I thought “Hey! I should have done this from the beginning *sings One Ok Rock’s The Beginning*” because if I did, I wouldn’t really be having this much problem. Again, it’s normal for people to go through this. I don’t normally do the whole schedule thing like everyone since I never needed to but I guess it’s okay to try it and see how it works for me. But the last time I remember following a schedule was for school and that was just…..school.

So I’ll ensure to do at least two or three post a week. I’m still fixing up a bit so I’m not really sure how much I want to do as yet but I think three sounds good….yeahhhhhhh. 😀

That’s all~ 🙂

20 Years Old And Still Playing With Dolls

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Dolls have always been my kind of thing and I don’t mean that in a pervy disgusting kind of way. Growing up I didn’t really like the company of others (still kinda don’t) and for me, dolls were like little diaries that I could write in. But the difference was instead of writing I just talked- a lot. I always felt safe when I rant the deepest part of myself to my dolls. They, to me, were the most loyal friends anyone could ask for. They never revealed my secret to anyone, never got mad at me, always listen to me and most importantly, they were always there.

Reading this you might be thinking “The heck is wrong with this person?!!” or “This person needs some serious counselling” or whatever. But let’s be honest, haven’t you ever felt like that whether it was towards a doll, stuff animals (these are the cutest things ever), maybe action figures etc? I know I can’t be the only one.

I no longer own a doll though and that’s because of my mom she murdered them. The last doll I had, she burnt it saying “You’re too old for these things” (ha-ha). I remembered how angry I was at her for taking away my best friend. I buried the remains of my doll under our tree and held a funeral for her (sounds crazy I know). After that I secretly bought smaller dolls that could fit inside my bag without it being too obvious that I had any. Whether I was home or in public, I never hide the fact that I was really into dolls. I can recall countless times when my mom shot me the LOOK (ha-ha).

I saw these on Rakuten Global Market the other day. And I thought these were really cute. It’s almost as if dolls are humans too.

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I know some people treat dolls as just object- some type of thing that they can use to control the behaviour of kids or whatever they use it as. I on the other, tend to treat my dolls (and stuff animals) like real humans. I’ll bathe them, comb their hair, lotion their skin, spray them, feed them and other things you can think of that we humans do. My mom was completely annoyed watching as her lotion, spray and even hair oils got wasted on a doll. She use to threaten me that she’ll take them way if I don’t get chores done or if I keep using her stuff on them. Those were the days 😀

Other than dolls, I do like stuff animals a lot. When anyone ask me what I want for my birthday, it always include “I want a doll or stuff animal”. I still have this one teddy bear I received as a birthday gift from a friend back in high school. Also, there are four teddy bears that my mom always puts on her bed for decoration. I talk to these a lot (ha-ha).

Now I’m 20 years of age and I’m still playing with dolls. I might not own any at the moment but that doesn’t stop me. I do plan on buying myself one soon, with or without my mom’s approval. I’ve already been checking out a few sites and I’m super excited!! Anyways, I don’t think anyone is too old for dolls, stuff animals, action figures, cartoons or whatever. Keep doing the things you love despite the judging eyes and hurtful remarks of people around, because by the end of the day it’s what makes you happy that matters the most.

Do you like dolls too or other things that people think are “too old for you”? I’d love to hear so do comment. 🙂