Atelophobia

Jovial's World

Emotions scattered like broken glass
As realization hits
No matter how much you tried
it was never enough
Living in the shadows of siblings
More talented, more liked
or even better looking despite
obnoxious characters
Again you listen to praises that was not
bestowed upon you
Again you cringed at screaming voices
Blaming you for things you haven’t done
and have done
For speaking your mind
For existing
The pressure of doing better
of being noticed for once
Time wasted and like always
it was never enough
You were never enough
And you now accepted the fact that you will never be enough
You shut out the world
Drew pretty pictures against membrane
Spilled ink on untouched papers
You smiled at the life you had
You smiled at your smudged reflection
A figure like you stared back
Eyes that showed
how broken you were
Alone, defeated,
Useless, worthless
How many times you chanted
in your mind
“I just want to be good enough to someone”
How many times were you left alone and reminded you weren’t
One…two or maybe a thousand times
with a smile that held no story behind it
You studied yourself
You still couldn’t hide it
Tears would threaten to spill
any time soon
and you’ll panic and scratch at your skin
losing your mind
You were doing so well
but somewhere it went wrong
Nothing could stop you from feeling
and knowing that
You were and will never be
good enough 

~ J.R

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Empty Vessel

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I’ve decided to share a poem I wrote years ago and edited last month. Also I suck at naming my poems. Therefore, I always titled them as “Based On Real Emotions” or just “Untitled”…so don’t judge the title, please (ha-ha).

Attempting to be normal is what I tried to do
It’s not so easy as I thought it would be
Neglecting the things I once hold dear
I allowed my dry bones to be picked at by crows-
In human disguises
Tears are shed yet emotion-less I stand
before the people I refuse to believe care
The darkness is my home, the light my enemy
A twisted mind and blacken heart
A life of regret, scars, blood and blades
I’ll give up for it’s not worth it
I will not fight for I have already lost
a game that was never in my favor
I’ll let myself go- I’ll let everything go
All i need in this messed up society is myself
Myself who betrayed me and left me empty- a vessel
To be clawed at by greedy hands
So fuck morals and social graces
Let me be, I don’t need it
Because in this world
You have only yourself….your biggest nightmare

~ J.R