Atelophobia

Jovial's World

Emotions scattered like broken glass
As realization hits
No matter how much you tried
it was never enough
Living in the shadows of siblings
More talented, more liked
or even better looking despite
obnoxious characters
Again you listen to praises that was not
bestowed upon you
Again you cringed at screaming voices
Blaming you for things you haven’t done
and have done
For speaking your mind
For existing
The pressure of doing better
of being noticed for once
Time wasted and like always
it was never enough
You were never enough
And you now accepted the fact that you will never be enough
You shut out the world
Drew pretty pictures against membrane
Spilled ink on untouched papers
You smiled at the life you had
You smiled at your smudged reflection
A figure like you stared back
Eyes that showed
how broken you were
Alone, defeated,
Useless, worthless
How many times you chanted
in your mind
“I just want to be good enough to someone”
How many times were you left alone and reminded you weren’t
One…two or maybe a thousand times
with a smile that held no story behind it
You studied yourself
You still couldn’t hide it
Tears would threaten to spill
any time soon
and you’ll panic and scratch at your skin
losing your mind
You were doing so well
but somewhere it went wrong
Nothing could stop you from feeling
and knowing that
You were and will never be
good enough 

~ J.R

Life

Sometimes
it stops at our throat
And we find it hard to breathe
We thrash about
And scratch at our chest
Lungs burning
With the desire to be filled-
With life
A reason to keep living
Day by day
we mortals struggle
To make something worth the time we have left here
We bicker
Slaughter
Laugh
Cry
Smile
at the different things life throws at us
We wear masks with permanent
smiles or frowns
Our pride is too great
it takes control
No “I’m sorry”s or “Excuse me”s
when necessary
Life’s ego
and life’s sacred self
Giving us two choices:
To live or to die
Blinded by all things bad that feel so right
selfishness
greed
envy
and the list goes on
We choose dying without realizing
Staining the once pure mind
of all things good
Slowly with aging
life will take its toll
giving each of us
what we truly deserve
It’s too late now
to rewrite new stories on worn out pages
that fades away along with us
Happy thoughts
Sad thoughts
it doesn’t matter to life
Because we mortals are life in its self
Make it what we will
and live it cautiously

~ J.R

Jo’s Music Mondays

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I’ve decided to make every Monday “Jo’s Music Mondays” YEAH!!! 😀 It’s not what any of you guys are thinking. It’s just something I’ve always done, whether it was in my diary or not. And I thought long and hard about doing it here and I was like “Why not?!” As I said before, this blog is where I can talk about anything or do anything I want to. Soooooo here I am, writing my first ever “Jo’s Music Mondays” post and I’m so happy. Maybe I should make this blog my diary or something (ha-ha). Also, I hope that you guys will be able to learn a little bit about me through my music posts. I do like a lot of music and over time you guys will realize that I listen to almost any and everything. Don’t judge my music taste!! 

I decided to make Waiting For Love by Avicii my first Jo’s Music Mondays post. I think this song was well written and well sung. I know a few people can and will relate to this song. So I hope you guys will like it just as I do 😀
Oh yeah, before I forget….there’s actually two videos for this song but I chose to post the lyric video instead because of the animation. Incase you wanna check out the original just look it up~  

Enjoy!!

P.S: I wanna thank my friend abxtruthlies for doing the picture for me 🙂

Rain Sound

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The dead of night
Wide awake she lay
With the heavy sounds of rain
and an aching heart
Tears hugging the flesh of her cheeks
Memories replaying like scratch CDs

Warm hands that held her
now holds another
Soft lips fitting so perfectly with hers
now fits another
Melodic laughter which never fails to make her smile
now only plays for another

The dead of night
The rain sound echoes
against roof and windowpanes
The smell of coffee and it’s warmth
fills both mind and body
Empty cuddles and cold sheets

They met in the rain
And end in the rain
Now the rain sound isn’t what it use to be
A soft lullaby that comforts her
but a tragic love story gone wrong
A music note-
that lost its sound

She hugs the only thing she could find
A pillow…his substitute
Swollen face
Half empty mug
The darkness and lightening
which kissed with every chance they got
Illuminated her pale features

With moist yet hopeful eyes
She watch the rain pour
One day for sure
These rain sounds will be what they use to be
The raining sounds of love
    

~ J.R

The Distance

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The empty spaces here on our beds
The spaces between our fingers
And blank spaces in our pictures
is where we both belong

With wavering hearts
Shy smiles, sweaty palms
and slurred words
We exchange our “I like you”s

Our many calls
that’s filled with laughter and sadness
Nervous faces on screen
with soft gazes and darken cheeks
We share our deepest thoughts

With 17,997 km between us
Lack of money
and expensive plane flights
We made heart felt promises to keep strong

For the first time in our lives
We both experience something-
Something that we both never believed in
Excited yet scared we grabbed hold of it with both hands

For the day will come
when we no longer need to create memories from a far
When we’ll be in each others arms
Days will be much brighter
With new memories to make

Until then
It’s us against
The Distance….

~ J.R

It’s Okay

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I was really bored when I wrote this. It’s random and may sound a little stupid but I decided to share it anyways.

It’s okay to feel lost and hopeless
Unloved, unwanted and shattered
in a world that has so much to offer yet so much to take
It’s okay to cry and smile
to be angry, excited or bored
There’s just so many sides to a person that is left unexplored
It’s okay to not be okay
To throw things, to scream
To let your voice be heard 
It’s okay to be lonely
Not everyone enjoy the company of others
It’s okay to be a little weird
Being normal was so last year
It’s okay to be scared of spiders, dogs, cats or even lizards
Everyone has something that scares them
It’s okay to be you
Being someone’s clone only leads to misery
It’s okay to have weird habits like sucking your finger
Screw all the judging eyes, I’m sure they have worse habits
It’s okay to love meat and hate vegetables- even the opposite
It’s okay if you like talking to random things
Some people will judge you
but it’s okay
That’s life
And it’s okay

~ J.R

Sleepless Nights

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She tossed and turned under the burning covers, throwing it off with a loud sigh as thoughts of the past, present and future filled her mind.

The past? She can’t run away from. It hunted her whether she was awake or asleep. She could hear the voices screaming at her and hollow eyes staring her down. She panics for awhile, deep breathes “Inhale..Exhale” she tells herself over and over.

The present? She had many ‘friends’ and families yet she always felt alone. Whenever she was happy, angry, excited or even sad nobody cared. She couldn’t really turn to anyone about anything. She end up crumbling in her own shadow, lost and unloved. Is she really not loved? Even a little? Maybe if she kissed the cold air which wraps itself around her, comforting her and acknowledging her. Maybe then, everyone’s attention would be on her even for a second….a second? She would already be far gone.

The future? That she knows nothing of. Will she still be trapped in the cage of her own thoughts or would she be free? Free to laugh honestly and share in the joys of others. Will she be loved? There’s so many questions and no answers.

Black scrawny fingers shakingly made its way into messy hair. Lids tightly squeezing against each other. Again, a loud sigh escaped her lips, eyes open and now focused on the glowing ball outside her window.

“Another sleepless night…”